Why does my autocorrect think I'm typing that?

Good job on guessing I meant "before"
instead of "veggie" this time, Swype. For once.

I have Swype on my phone, and I've purposely turned off the thing where it autocorrects what you're typing, because — I don't need that stress, or that level of hilarity.

But, it still misinterprets what I Swype so, so much.

And I don't get it.

Wouldn't it learn that there are certain words you use more than others?

For instance, how often do I write "ashtray" over "already," Swype? How often? Huh? Here's the answer, Swype: I never mean "ashtray." Never.

As a parenting blogger, I write about my children a lot. But apparently Swype thinks I'm gaga about my "cistern." This is literally never the case.

I guess it could be worse
and people could think I'm obsessed with collagen?

Another curiosity is consistently substituting "top" for "to." It doesn't make my sentences funny, just weird. And "to" is arguably one of the most common words in the English language, much more so even than "top." Has Swype not figured this out?

But what slays me. Slays me! Is that Swype always assumes when I type "with" that I meant "26th." "26th"! I deleted it from my Swype dictionary so it would stop suggesting it. Now it suggests "27th" instead.

When I want to tag my boys on Instagram with the hashtag "brothers," Swype assumes I'm captioning "burgers." Every time. Swype, seriously — check out my Instagram feed and see how many brothers vs. burgers pics I post.

Strangely, though, Swype has simultaneously decided I love vegetables. Whenever I try to type "before," it offers the stand-in of "veggie." Mm-hmm, that's exactly what I meant.

More understandable mistakes — though irritating for their frequency — are "our" for "or" and "get" for "her" and "done" for "some." Perhaps I just need to practice my accuracy.

I just posted my 26th photo of burgers on my veggie cistern. Enough ashtray!

I typed "brothers"! I swear!

What does your autocorrect always get wrong?




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