Number 2.5: There’s a widow who is still a virgin, despite being married to Lord Humperslut for years and years.
How is this possible? Well, sit back and we’ll tell you. The heroine married Humperslut just before he started introducing his bloodstream to metric tons of opium, and his penis was lost shortly thereafter in a tragic riding accident. His young bride is sworn to secrecy lest his reputation suffer, leaving her to misery and, of course, sexual unfulfillment.
OK, fine, we’re exaggerating a little — but only a little. Yet again, the Sacred Virginity of the Heroine rears its ugly maidenhead, and the heroine’s validity as a woman is tied up in the sanctity of her love canal. Virgin widows may have been novel plot devices back in the day, but Romancelandia is lousy with those beasts. We say it’s time to put this particular cash cow out to pasture.
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